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When I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, I felt discouraged when I encountered resistance. I had done the old dance for so many years that it took my husband time to catch up to my new dance steps! Having the support of other surrendering women really helped me.
Many of my clients are with controlling men. The 6 Intimacy Skills empower these women to honor their desires and limitations. Amazingly, the man ends up being inspired to become his best self too. Sheri, Sorry to hear. Sounds very difficult and painful. There is hope and it sounds like you haven’t given up, which I admire. You would find a lot of value in my webinar, How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: I barely leave the house now. I work online with a team, but rarely communicate with anyone else. I’ve lost all trust in humans and I’m burnt out from being used and thrown away so many times. I can’t help but view other people as dangerous wild animals that could turn around and bite me at any moment. It just isn’t worth the risk to get close to anyone again. There are a few people in my family that I will let in to a certain extent, but even then I am wary of getting hurt. It’s completely changed me as a person. Maybe that’s a good thing.My husband has disappeared! The man I married, I mean. He has taken to the couch and given up. He does have health issues. He is six years older but now that I’m retired and chomping at the bit to enjoy it all, he has shut down. It wasn’t until I learned to recognize my controlling behavior and make a different choice that the romance returned. I’m talking about important, life-shattering things like loading the dishwasher properly and making the bed. If I didn’t show him, how would he ever learn? Poor thing!
Cynthia, My husband is 11 years older, and I had the same experience that the man I married disappeared and gave up. I thought it was hopeless and nearly divorced him. But now I have the marriage I always wanted. I’m hosting a free webinar that you would find valuable where I show you exactly what to do to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life: How much to contribute to his 401K, which clothes to get rid of in the closet so we (read: I) would have more room. Since I believed I was smarter than him, this was only logical. 4. Shooting him disapproving looks.Humiliation. (n.d.). Emotional Competency. Retrieved from http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/humiliation.htm It’s sad to hear so many people going through similar experiences. I hope some/all of you are doing better now. I thought I was doing ok and had recovered. I was bullied throughout childhood both at school and by my dad, then handed over to a pedophile, raped, stabbed and treated as a sex toy for a while in my teens. I had an interesting start to life. Then later on as an adult I had a very abusive relationship with someone that left a few more scars. But I had a lot of therapy and had built up my self esteem again and was starting to do ok.
People would ask him questions-doctors, waitresses, delivery people–and I would answer for him to make sure that everyone got the right information and impression of our family. 3. Making decisions for him, like…I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born. On the road to giving up my controlling ways, I tried to make modifications, tried to be more subtle, even thought I was improving at times with some of the techniques below. But all of it got me to the same lonely spot: wondering why my husband was withdrawn, distant and defensive. Cynthia, Laura teaches a skill called “expressing your desires in a way that inspires.” It is very different than nagging, feels better, and yields better results. It often starts with “I’d love to…”
I’ve been alone for a long time now, so it doesn’t make much difference in my day-to-day life. I’m sad that the happy, bubbly, open version of ‘me’ is dead. I have a barbed wire fence wrapped around me now and I no longer believe in love, romance or any of that junk. It’s turned me very cold. I’ve always gone out of my way to make everyone else feel good, offer support, cheerlead them, spoil them with gifts, try to make everyone else’s life a bit better. I’m done with that. Other than a handful of relatives, I’m not wasting my time or energy any more. I’ve learned the hard way that when you are nice to people they just see a giant ‘idiot’ sign on your forehead and think they can take advantage of that. Me and my husband are not talking with each other. I am trying to overcome his behavior but don’t know why nothing is getting materialize. have come across your how to control husband article. Jeona, I’m sorry to hear about the cold war at your house. I still remember those at my house, and they were no fun. I’m happy you found your way here because you have the key to making things playful and passionate again. I hope you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills. I lay them out in my book/audiobook, The Empowered Wife, which you can read a free chapter of here: Rosenberg, S. (n.d.). Humiliation. Beyond Intractability. Retrieved from http://www.beyondintractability.org/bi-essay/Humiliation
Eucharia, I can see why you’re feeling heartbroken! I would be too if my husband were doing that, especially with a new baby on your hands. Physically, I have healed a lot, although I look and feel as if I’ve aged a decade in the last few months. I was put in intensive therapy for a while and told I had CPTSD, which was actually useful. I still had a few things from childhood that needed fixing, so that was a tiny silver lining.
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