The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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Harry J. Thompson was born in Edgware and grew up in Barnet in north London. He is currently based in London, UK. An avid reader & researcher, Harry speaks publicly and is heavily involved in projects & research on all topics around neurodiversity and autism; namely, Pathological Demand Avoidance, a behavior profile within the Autism Spectrum. It gives you time to think of a way to reject the demand in a less abrupt manner, and it will remove the pressure of having to do it in person.

Find your tribe. If being autistic makes you feel like an alien on this planet then being PDA can sometimes make you feel like a space monster. PDA is a lifelong condition, but with proper support and treatment, people with PDA can lead happy and fulfilling lives. Having a card shown to me is often like splashing water on my face. It alerts me to look at what I’m doing and assess it with clarity rather than slapdash over excitement. My passion has always been working with autistic children and teenagers - I believe that they have so much to offer, and yet the education system often fails them because staff do not have the right skills and experience."

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Autism is a spectrum condition and affects people in different ways. Like all people, autistic people have their own strengths and weaknesses. Social interaction and communication can be difficult for some autistic people but others may enjoy it. Intense interests and repetitive behaviour are often seen along with differing sensory experiences'. It is something that you can do for two minutes or two hours. But it is a great way to calm the mind and to reduce your anxiety. There are lots of free apps that have guided meditations on them with lots of personalities and styles to choose from to fit your style of unwinding and focusing. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to go see that film you were planning on watching or another activity that you can’t get past the wall to do. Personally, I find it increasingly frustrating when I want to do something (like sitting and writing this article) but just CAN’T. Just stopping everything and going with the flow of what your brain decides it wants to do can be powerful to reduce anxiety. It puts you right in the driving seat, which gives us PDAers all that lovely control that we thrive on. The many essays I write on a subject spending hours in the making and crafting, only to to toss them in the trash.

Around every corner is a demand waiting to thrust itself upon us. So how do we cope with all of these demands that can’t help themselves hammering down on us like we’re a nail that just won’t lay flat? Sometimes it feels like everywhere we look, there is demand bearing down on us that sends our anxiety through the roof. Find ways to step away from it all, every day or as often as you need, where you can just ‘be’. I listened so intently that I listened to the whole audiobook in two sessions; only stopping the first day (yesterday) when I could no longer ignore my earth suit’s nagging incessancy for basic needs. This in no way shape or form tells us what PDA is and it attempts it, all it succeed in doing it making us feel repulsed by an overly pampered middle class boy who seemed to have too many tantrums and blessed with parents with money who could accommodate his bad temper. He might be neurodivergent however totally failed in making the reader understand the pathology or make us feel compassion and understanding for the condition. But you’re right. There’s huge potential for autistic RATIONAL demand avoidance to be seen as a pathology people try to train out of them instead of understanding their sensory, social, and personal needs. It’s a complicated issue all around.There is debate about the existence of pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and whether or not it is an autistic profile. We’ve promised to update the community as we continue to look into the issue from all sides. When you are feeling very anxious or overwhelmed, remove all demands, or at least reduce them as much as you can. I also realized that I haven’t been watching your videos enough lately since I was completely surprised; I had no idea that you had been working on this great book….. Been on an extended rabbit trail for a while now, so yeah, lol….. You have given me a great resource for overcoming my many “blah” days and for retuning my mindset when it strays into the mental brambles of imposter syndrome and self-distraction; reminding me that I too have something valuable to contribute to the lives of others, instead of sinking into the disillusionment that chains my mind and prevents me from following my passions. Harry, if you read this review, please know how much I truly appreciate your candid words and for not “binning” this book!

I love my job and I could lose it because I’m spiralling in PDA and don’t know if it’s PDA or ADHD paralysis. I just know I am frozen. I don’t need a tribe to tell me that. I don’t need to hear about an impulsively buddy when it’s not an impulse-driven problem. Make Your First Year of Retirement Unforgettable: The Best Unique and Fun Activities to Make the Most of Your Newfound Freedom However, we respect that many people identify with this profile and have formed a rich community and body of resources to help others overcome demand avoidance. We will continue to update the community and our readers on our position and as new research and insights become available.

The main strategy, in my opinion, is to reduce as much anxiety as you can. Again, I know how easy that sounds and how difficult it is in practice, but read on.

Thank you so much for this article and most especially Isaac's interview. It has answered questions I have had or many years Harry began to write the first draft of his book in 2015. After connecting with many autistic & PDA families, he pivoted his direction and completed his book in about 6 weeks, a memoir entitled the PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum, published in February 2019. He launched his YouTube channel in 2017. By finding your tribe, you’ll find that you’re not alone and that these people think and react in the same way that you do, plus these are people who you don’t have to mask in front of. Having the freedom to be yourself is like having the best stretch in the comfiest bed. I have a very dear friend who has ‘Jo cards’ that she uses when I am either going too far or if one of my impulsive ideas is totally nuts and something that I will later regret. Yes, these cards can be seen as a demand, but I have total control over whether I listen to her or not.

Summary

Bless your heart for writing on this, it made me laugh. And if all fails — may I make a suggestion, it could be your 16th point. I wont be PDA about how right I* am on this point…but 16 should be “If all fails, start laughing uncontrollably and with a robust for the joy of it.”